XD

[helvetius]

Alright. So I finally know the reason why Momus wears an eyepatch*.

Parasites + Tiny scratch on eye + Contact lens container washed in tap water**. You do the math. Though honestly, after watching the documentary on parasites (aptly named "Body Snatchers"), it's almost enough to make one swear off wearing contact lenses. Or stop consuming beef.

This dude? He consumed a beef tapeworm cyst. 3 weeks later, only because he was getting married, he popped a deworming pill and let loose a worm spanning over 6 feet in length. They even filmed the dude going, "OOO~ Now that felt like something. Something like a big pile of worm. I don't think I can turn around and see. *TURNS AROUND AND SEES ANYWAY* JESUS KRIST!!!!!" Next thing you know, the man stretches the tapeworm on the garden and lies down next to it.

My neighbour could hear me screeching in amused terror.

*I tried googling, but couldn't find anything. You think I would try Wikipedia, but sometimes things just slip out of one's mind.

**URRRRRRRRRRGGGGGH.

Carry on.

PS: Ryouri-Fu! <3333333 IT ISH NOT THE SIZE OF TEH SPOON BUT HOW YOU WIELD IT!

*DIES*

Comments

[loaswearargyle.livejournal.com]

pre-emptive tapeworming = obesity control in a health-obsessed population.

[helvetius.livejournal.com]

Hey! Mock not! There are people who actually use tapeworms for dieting purposes. In fact, there's a restaurant out there that sells tapeworm cyst infested meat for over hundred bucks. ^^;;;

The down side is that a) you could end up with a 50 feet worm in you b) you go to sleep and wake up to segments of tapeworm (that still MOVE) on your bed and c) you might actually end up with tapeworms in your brains.

HEH.

[loaswearargyle.livejournal.com]

no, i was quite serious. for the most part, tapeworms won't starve a host to death. they'll move onto another host before that happens. they're cheap, easy to come back, easy to produce. you'd just have to provide a waiver for the procedure.

instead of listing all of the potential risks as verbatim and a bit of creative (if deceitful) rewording could go a long way.

a.) fifty foot tape worm = severe constipation + abdominal cramps
b.) beddy-bye tapeworm segments = nocturnal movements + bed-wetting
c.) tapeworm in brain = chronic head-aches

see? i think it'd work. you + i, helvetius, we should go into bizness togethah, we'd go a looong way.

[helvetius.livejournal.com]

It's more than chronic headaches actually. More like epileptic fits, loss of memory and all sorts of weird shit depending on where the cyst(s) land.

The worst thing? PEOPLE HAVE STARTED THE BUSINESS ALREADY! (NOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooo~)

[loaswearargyle.livejournal.com]

but they don't need to know about the epileptic fits and occipital gonorrhea. they don't need to know about any of that. why? b/c IT'S OUR JOB TO PANDER TO THEIR DELUSIONS. the customer is always right; tapeworms regardless.

and besides, the patent laws are written (in the states, anyway) that you can market same item but dissimilar use. so rather than dietary supplements, we could sell them as ... pop psychology self-help/self-esteem/do-it-yourself therapy. you can sell anything under that designation and get away w/ it.

*lights cuban cigar*